Long Road Ahead...

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge.

It’s too high!

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came,

and he pushed,

and they flew.

~ Christopher Logue

Here I stand at the brink of change. To take charge of my life and do something tremendous or to succumb to my life and be doomed to remain the same. I choose change. Here and now, I choose change. No longer is my weight something that happened to me, something that I have to deal with… it is something I have control over. Utter, complete control.

I will be honest to who I am. I am 23-years old and no person has ever loved me passionately. My parents and family have loved me with all of their hearts and supported my life journey every step of the way, but no person has ever chosen to love and adore me. Perhaps I have not let them. Perhaps I have shut out everyone who has ever gotten close, afraid of the person they might see and the fat the might be repulsed by. Perhaps it has simply been easier to tell people, “No. You will not love me and to prove it, I will not grant you the opportunity to try.”

I find profound meaning in daily life and incidents. The most recent is the one that sparked my desire to truly make a difference in my life and change my appearance the hard way. It was after a Saturday night of partying that a friend and I accepted a ride home from a man who we had met at the bar. He seemed genuine and generous, seeing how my friend and I were not in the condition to drive. During the 2-mile trip from the bar to my house, my friend had to ask him to pull-over the car so she could puke. When he dropped us off at my house we each gave him our numbers because we felt so bad about her being so intoxicated. What happened on Monday night? He called her and asked her out on a date.

My spirits were shattered. It was not so much the person, in particular, that shattered my spirits. It was the fact that I had been completely together and friendly, yet still he would rather date the skinny girl who could hardly remember his face.

If I ever want a man to love me, I must make this change. I need to change myself so that men can look at me and see a smart, successful woman and not just a fat girl. (OK, people are going to probably comment on this last part and say “you don’t need to change yourself for a man!” well, those people haven’t been single as long as I have)

This blog will undoubtedly be full of various rants and ravings about watching my weight but mostly about funny happenings in my life. Hopefully someone out there will find it interesting.

Here is to change! I’m coming to the edge… let’s hope I fly!

Cheers!

Holly